Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistible urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex.
The above are the words of J.R. Ward in his book, Dark Lover. Some might argue, though, that for the extremely jealous people, these are not so much the price paid for jealousy but rather an invariable pre-requisite before it.
At any rate there are only a few things capable of wrecking your relationship more than jealousy. It may be a bit cute and attractive in small doses, but when things start to get out of hand — and most times they will — then we really start to see the evil side of it.
And boy does it look ugly.
At that stage all the insecurities start to appear at the fore, in all their appalling ugliness; the neuroticism, the attached anxiety, all show their ugly faces and choke the life out of your relationship.
There is a confidence, on the other hand, that is not borne of narcissism or a grandiose conception of one’s importance, but borne of trust and mutual respect, that can save your relationship and make it not only immensely attractive, but really healthy at the same time.
So how does one get from appalling, ugly-head-rearing jealousy, to calm, trusting confidence? The answers lie below, in the wonderful word of healthy ways to get rid of jealousy in your relationship.
Healthy Ways to Get Rid of Jealousy in Your Relationship
1. Secure Your Insecurities
The first step in getting rid of anything is acknowledging their presence in the first place. And that is what we mean by securing your insecurities.
Insecurities are elusive by nature. We do not like to admit that we’re so imperfect, and as such they use that to their advantage and to our own disadvantage.
Jealosy is by definition, a manifestation of insecurities. The logical first step, then, would be to admit that we have those insecurities in the first place. By so doing we can then begin to take the necessary steps in getting rid of them finally.
Obviously the cornerstone of any relationship, without trust absolutely no serious relationship can survive.
Now the necessity for trust comes from the fact that you do not own your partner, and that uncertainty will always be part of any relationship.
At some point you two will have to be apart. They will have to be away from you, and you from them. The only thing that will keep you together at this point is trust. To trust that no matter how far apart you both are, the bond that holds you together is stronger than anything that can be thrown in your paths.
Mind you, trust in a relationship isn’t blind. It is something that’s built with time, and communication. Insecurities might sometimes be a product of wanting more from a relationship than what has been invested.
Understanding this, then, is a factor that sets one well on the path to get rid of jealousy in a relationship.
3. Don’t Put Yourself in Awkward, Dangerous Situations
Sometimes as a product of anxiety or insecurity, we go looking for trouble even though we’re perfectly fine and removed from it.
Sometimes we may even be led to it only as a product of curiosity or restlessness. As a jealous partner we must understand that to get rid of jealousy in a relationship, there’s only so much we can take. And as such the few things we can control, we have to ensure that we do — and staying away from awkward situations is one of them.
Don’t stalk your husband, or tap his phone, or go through his personal messages at every given opportunity. Give yourself peace of mind. Think positive thoughts. They work wonders.
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This is one of the most powerful instruments partners have in their arsenal. It cures almost all illnesses, and to get rid of jealousy in a relationship is one of them.
Not only does it help in your initial bid to build a strong, solid foundation of trust in the relationship, but also in ironing out/troubleshooting the factors that may be triggering jealousy and insecurities at the same time.
It is also an opportunity for both partners to assure each other of their investment in the relationship and put to bed any doubt the other may have.
This is one of the most overlooked instrument to overcome pretty much any trouble in a relationship, and it works just as well in your bid to get rid of jealousy in your relationship too, and even though this is mainly for the non-jealous partner than for the jealous one, it does work for both.
Not only does complimenting your partner, who has shown signs of jealousy, build a stronger bond between you two, it also helps to shore up not only their self-confidence but also their confidence in you and the relationship as a whole.
It goes both ways too, as saying positive things to and about your partner, even amidst your insecurities, might go a long way in re-assuring you subconsciously of their dependence and trust-worthiness. It also helps you focus on the good things about your life.
You’d be surprised how much it helps to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. It’s hard, obviously, especially when it comes to insecurities and things we feel strongly about. But it also really, really helps.
Find someone you trust and care about, tell them about what you’re going through. You’d be amazed how much they can relate; and how much their input and perspective will put your mind at ease.
Also the fact that you’re talking about it can be a huge relief itself, and with time you’ll find that you’re pleasantly distracted without having to worry about any perceived infidelity.
7. Let Go of the Past
Sometimes jealousy and insecurity can be a product of something we’ve gone through in the not so distant past. And we’re only projecting past insecurities on to our new partners.
Holding on to the past, however, only serves to deter us from the future we deserve.
So instead of holding on, look to the future, with hope and eagerness. Trust that your life is a clean slate, and that all the past errors have been erased.
8. Find a Hobby
This is a ploy to ensure that your mind doesn’t journey to really dangerous corners. An idle mind, like the hand, is also a devil’s workshop. It allows all sort of crazy thoughts to roam.
Being occupied, however, takes your mind off unnecessary thoughts, and keeps you focus on the task at hand, which, if it is something you’re passionate about, would also bring you great joy.
9. Let Them Go
There’s a quote that says if you love something let it go. This is a trust exercise, of course, and a really hard one at that too — especially for a person with a severe case of jealousy. But it does pay off immensely in the end.
Instead of worrying and policing your spouse, once you feel you’re ready, let them go. Perhaps even [plan a vacation for them or yourself]. Don’t call, don’t check their social media.
Again, it’s hard, but it pays off.
Think — if you do this and they do end up coming back to you, you’ll find that your trust in them has been exponentially increased.
And if they don’t — well it’s fine, they probably never deserved you anyway.
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