Getting rejected sucks. No matter how old one is. Maybe we learn to deal with it better as we grow, maybe we don’t. One thing is still for sure: it hurts. Lucky for us, however, it isn’t the end. You can get rejected and come back stronger. In fact it is one of the best ways to.
In this post we’ll be examining just how to deal with that painful phenomenon that is unrequited love, but first to understand it better we take a quick look at why unrequited affections affects us so much.
Unrequited Love: Why it Hurts So Much
It is quite simple actually. You see there’s a difference between being rejected and being rejected by someone you have feelings for. It’s not a huge, obvious difference. Of course to an extent they both involve quite a substantial amount of pain. They both require us to put ourselves on the line.
But therein lies the difference: the amount and extent of the vulnerability that we display. And what it is exactly that we’re putting on the line.
The Heart vs the Ego
We put ourselves on the line everyday. In an ordinary scenario where we ask anything of anyone we are actively putting ourselves on the line.
But the difference is, when they reject our request we only feel terrible for a little while because what’s on the line is merely our ego on a trivia matter.
Meanwhile when it comes to matters of the heart when we get rejected it hurts so much because it involves us putting our entire being on the line; putting both the ego AND the heart out there. And so when we’re turned down we feel vulnerable; we feel exposed. We put our all into it and we’re left with nothing to show for it, and that really hurts.
Of course another reason why unrequited love hurts so badly is because we feel a sense of failure. Failure to have what we desire. We feel as though we’ve been neglected and our prayers fail to be answered. We feel disappointed and sad, but most times we’re wrong.
How to Deal With Unrequited Love – The Seven Realizations
1. It is Not You
One thing we have to realize when dealing with unrequited love is that it is not our fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. Yes, we all go through one form of rejection or another. Just because they don’t appreciate you doesn’t mean there’s a problem with you. It is their loss, ultimately, not yours.
2. You don’t Need the Validation
Let’ be honest, we all want validation, no matter how much we try to deny it. So we put ourselves out there, hoping to get a compliment, or a glance in our direction, or someone to love us back. And then we don’t get it and we hate ourselves but the truth is you don’t need anyone’s validation. We were made in the image of the lord, that itself is validation enough. All the joy we need is inside us. We only need to find it.
3. You Didn’t Fail
The sense of failure that comes with unrequited love is strong and torturous. It is dark and evil and can tear us apart if we let it. But it is merely a mirage that we need to shake off immediately. You did NOT fail. You’re not a failure. It is not the end. Not all setbacks or challenges are a failure. Most times they are, in fact, a success for us. Only we can’t see them at the time. Only when they’re past and things turn out better do we see them as what they really were – a stepping stone. But if you don’t stop thinking negatively, you might never get over it.
4. There’s Always Something Better
The common consequence of unrequited love, and why it is so dangerous, is that it always fools us into thinking that it is the end; that we will never find someone like them again and that will never be happy again. It makes us feel as though things will always remain bleak, but that is the greatest lie. We only feel that way at the time and the feeling is transient and unsubstantiated. But if we don’t pick ourselves up and shake off the feeling, the darkness might linger much longer than it has any right to.
5. You Don’t Want to Go Back
Now this might be one of the hardest of the realizations, because all through the ordeal we constantly feel as though we should go back to them. That terrible voice in our heads tell us that they will change their mind, it convinces us, brings to mind some meaningless signs and tells us they feel something too. But it’s all a lie. To really heal and move on and find the beauty on our earth for us, we must ignore this urge and focus on the light within.
6. You’re Beautiful
You are! And there’s nothing – absolutely nothing – that anyone can do to change that fact. Unrequited love is particularly evil because it makes us self conscious, it breeds self doubt and self deprecation. But again, to heal we must fight them, with everything we got.
7. There’s a World Out There – If it’s Yours It’ll Find You
Or in other words, it’s your chance to come back stronger. Like we said, not everything that seems a failure is actually one. Most times we fail it is only a set up for something greater. And sometimes all it takes is this realization. Open the window, breath the fresh air, take a look and you’ll see just how beautiful the world is; just how filled with potential it is.
And guess what, there’s something for you in it. Something that’s truly yours will never elude you, and something that is never yours will never find you.
Unrequited love is terrible and can sow seeds of darkness and evil in a frail heart. But we must stay strong and never fail to realize the inherent beauty in us. Rejection is normal, and by no means the end of the world. You will rise again and come back stronger! Now go out there and kill it!
Striving to publish contents that are philosophically, emotionally, and intellectually resonant, our posts and articles are written based on questions, challenges, and topic suggestions provided by readers like you. Read more here on how to get your contributions to us and published.