to Ask For a Threesome Nicely - shadow romance figures
Relationship Share & Get Advice

How to Ask For a Threesome Nicely – And How Not To

Let’s face it, it’s the 21st century and more and more couples are realising the benefit of trying “crazy stuffs” to spice up their relationships. And on top of this list of crazy stuffs is asking for a good old threesome – nicely.

But of course it’s safe to say the topic can get pretty testy pretty fast, and not to mention awkward as hell. I mean consider this dialogue between a couple. 


How to Ask For a Threesome Nicely – And How Not To – Scenario 1


Couple 1: Hey, I think we should have a threesome.

Couple 2: What?

Couple 1: I said I think we should have a threesome.

Couple 2: Really?

Couple 1: Of course. 

Couple 2: [smiling] Alright, sure why not?

That was smooth, right? Confident? Elegant? Of course. Of course. There’s only one problem, though. It’s never going to happen. Never. Not like this. 

The only places it ever happens like this are on television and in kinky romance novels, period. 



So Let’s Try This Again, Shall We?


How about this?

How to Ask For a Threesome Nicely – And How Not To – Scenario 2

Couple 1: Hey, I think we should have a threesome.

Couple 2: What?

Couple 1: Nothing.

Couple 2: Did you just ask if we could have a threesome?

Couple 1: No – I mean, yeah? I mean, is there anything so wrong with that?

Couple 2: No, no, I just – I didn’t realise I wasn’t enough for you and you’d need – – etc etc.

Now that’s more like it.


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How to Ask for a Threesome – The When 


Now if you’re not in the mood to end your relationship by trying to fix it (we assume you are trying to fix it, right?) here are some rules of thumb on when and most importantly, when NOT to ask for a threesome. 


1. You’re Not Trying To Fix It


The first rule of when not to ask for a threesome is if you’re not doing it in a way that is actively trying to strengthen your relationship with your current partner. 

The very idea of having a threesome to strengthen your relationship; which is breaking your commitment in a controlled, mutual, and agreed-upon environment in order to reinforce that same comittment, is ironic to say the least.

But that is why it works. And so in the absence of that irony, in cases where you just want to have a threesome because you’re plain horny and tired of your partner and want other people for the purpose of wanting other people, then in those cases the answer is hell no, just don’t do it.


2. When Either of You Just Plain Can’t Handle it



Don’t do it just to satisfy him or her. If you can’t handle it and you’re uneasy about the entire notion and can not be convinced, don’t surrender to badgering hoping it’ll save your relationship. Because it will not.

It’ll make it worse.

Do it when and only when you’re both comfortable with it, or at least open to it enough to get a little excited, because who knows, it might just blow you away.

But when you’re absolutely opposed to it, or tried it and didn’t like it, don’t keep surrendering to it just to satisfy him or her. There’s only doom at the end.


3. When Too Much Feelings Involved


This is on the part of the third party — the person with whom you’re having the threesome must be someone who neither of you have a strong feelings for and who, in turn, has none for either of you.

This sort of goes without saying.


5. When Your relationship is Really Rocky


This is a grey area. Because there are cases where couples engage in a threesome to fix a rocky relationship. 

Can it be used to fix a relationship? Maybe, maybe not. It’s all subjective to each couple. 

The only thing certain is that when the uneasiness between couples has gone past the mild stage, in a situation where the misunderstanding has escalated, however to the contrary it might seem, having sex with other people is definitely not the answer. 


6. Curiosity 


A little curiousity never hurt anybody, right? Wrong. Wrong. Just ask the cat.

How not to be like the cat? Again, refer to our very first point on when not to ask for a threesome.

It’s quite simple actually: if you’re both curious about it, and the reason behind your curiosity is related to strengthening the relationship, then by all means go for it.

But in cases where you’re curious just to get underneath someone’s pants, that’s usually a big no no.


How to Ask For a Threesome Nicely – or How NOT!



Truth be told there is no absolute failsafe way to ask for a threesome nicely. It is entirely subjective and up to you and your partner.

There are, however, a lot of ways to never ask for a threesome. For example.


1. Going at it Alone


This might seem as though it goes without saying but you’d be surprised how plausible it is.

Do not go behind your partner’s back and plan everything and then tell them afterwards, even if you know they’d be cool with it.

It still has to be a joint, inclusive decision, and you going to plan everything behind their back just shows that your intentions are unequivocally selfish. 


2. Asking Authoritatively


Another way to NOT ask for a threesome is asking as though it is your right, because truth be told it isn’t.

Again, for it to not be cheating it has to be mutual and it has to be inclusive – and so does the tone when you choose to ask. You must ask in such a way that makes it seem not selfish or desperate, but considerate and up for debate.

No one partner has the right to a threesome at the expense of the other


3. As a Blackmail or Reparation


Don’t blackmail your partner into having a threesome, okay? Just don’t do it. Trust me, it’s totally uncool. 

Don’t use it to get back to them for a past error on their part, either. That’s just another big no no.

Again if it isn’t mutual and coming from the heart, it is absolutely not worth it.


Conclusion 


Asking for a threesome is not for the weak of the heart.  You must know when to do it, when not to do it, and most importantly how not to do it. 

And with this guide you’re well on your way to being a master at that sacred art. 


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