Recently we came across a question on one of our other platforms. It was phrased something along the line of:
Please, I need help on how to reconquer my girl. It’s really important that I do. Thanks.
Our first reaction, admittedly, was to chuckle due to the different ways in which the question can be viewed. It is no doubt a naively sweet and adorable question, but on the other hand it might seem just a little too creepy and might just be the beginning of something really dangerous.
So our response, which we felt needed to be shared here, was this:
How to Win Back a Girl’s Heart: Rule No 1 Don’t – ever! -Be Creepy
Thank you for the question, but I’m afraid we must tell you to hold on there for a second, Alexander. First of all human beings are not things to be “conquered”, or “reconquered” for that matter.
Matter of fact, first thing you have to know on how to win back a girl’s heart is this: going to a lady with the mindset of “conquering” her is one of the fastest ways to make sure that you never get the girl to like you.
Sure there are a lot of frauds and conmen out there who will tell you they can help you to subject a girl to your control. And without even talking about the moral implications of this, we can tell you that it is absolute hogwash.
Your ability to win back a girl’s heart mostly depends on the circumstances surrounding the fact that you fell out in the first place.
Now if you do mean, however, to inquire as to the methods by which you can win back a girl’s heart after you both have fallen out, maybe after a fight, a misunderstanding, a breakup that wasn’t appealing and approved by both parties (you especially) then we’ll tell you that the way to ‘reconquer’ her, is to win back her affections, tenderly and passionately.
How to Win Back A Girl’s Heart: The Backstory
The next thing to know on how to win back a girl’s heart is that must examine the past, no matter how unpleasant.
Now we can tell you that in the case of an ugly break up that involved both you and the person you now aim to win back hurling things and yelling insults and curses at each other, shouting and screaming and everything, winning her back will absolutely not be a very easy affair.
Same goes for a breakup where the cause of the split was entirely your fault–perhaps due to a flaw in in your character back then or a case of unfaithfulness on your part.
Just How Fucked Up?
It is a widely accepted ‘fact’, you see, that women mostly don’t flow too well with boys who have hurt them sometime or another in the past.
Some attribute this to the fact that women tend to give everything to relationships, they go all in, and so they expect a degree of equal reciprocation in return, which then is why any guy who had been given a first chance and screwed it up is mostly likely to never get another chance.
So how much have you screwed up? You have to figure this out so you can brace for the coming impact. Because it will be a battle.
Thankfully in cases where the guy really is penitent, willing to change, loves the girl absolutely, and is willing to do whatever it takes, there is still a slight probability that the girl can be wooed.
How to Win Back Her Heart: Finally the Steps
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1. What Went Wrong?
The very first thing to do is to analyse and figure out what went wrong in the first place. After this you can then decide for yourself whether there is hope or not.
You see, most of the time during the immediate period post breakup we feel as though the world will end with that relationship. This feeling makes us forget reason. The darkness and loneliness drives you instead of pure facts. So you go back and do everything to win back her heart even though that’s not neccesarily the thing to do.
2. Give Yourself Time
A very effective rule on not just how to win back her heart but how to know you should win back her heart is to give yourself time to process it all.
If you come to this post having done that and having confirmed it then you may skip this, but if you haven’t then it is highly important that you do.
If not it may all turn out to be a source or regret in the end!
You have to give yourself time to reflect on what you did, or what caused the breakup (if you wasn’t your fault.) You have analyse the situation and really come to that conclusion that you absolutely do want to get the person back, and you’re not just feeling that way because you miss the person or you feel like your happiness is entirely dependent on them.
3. Hit the Metaphorical Cardio Gym: Work on Your Flaws
Now time has passed and nothing interests you still but to be with that girl and show her your love and show her you care. Now you know without a doubt that you truly want her back, not just because of a fleeting nostalgia, but because you really DO care for her? and really do love her. Ok then.
But it still isn’t time to go to her yet.
Now is the time to starr work on your flaws. To make yourself better. You try to fix in yourself, whatever fault you might have shown. And even if it wasn’t your fault, there will always be things to improve on as a human.
Read that book, work on that anger issues, work on your listening skills.
It is only after you have shown yourself undeniable evidence that you can and have fix these things that you should then try to win her heart back. Because without this not only is the girl not very likely to not take you back, but also even if she does, the very same flaws will still be present, and the same cycle will still repeat itself, leaving you both even more hurt and feeling more stupid than you did before.
4. The Move
Now is the time to make the move. But we cannot iterate this enough: Never. Come on. Too. Strong.
It is highly imperative that you NOT be creepy. Don’t ever be creepy. You’ll scare her away faster than you can say no wait.
Be nice and respectful. At this point the plan is to make her comfortable with you, that’s all. The plan is not to make her like you or fall head over heels in love with you or whatnot. Just make her not be uncomfortable around you.
Show her that charming affability that made her give you her heart in the first place. Which leads us to the fifth step:
6. Show Don’t Tell
It is a rule every writer has come across more than once. You gotta show the readers to convince them. Don’t just tell em. Show em. And the same goes for winning back a girl’s heart.
If you hurt her she probably hates you. A lot. Telling her you’ve changed ain’t going to change shit! But showing her – that’s how to win back a girl’s heart.
Show her that great side of you that you’ve made even greater. Show her why you’re great for her. Show her the things you share – that’s how you give yourself a chance.
6. A Gradual Process
Showing takes time. Convincing even a lot more. You gotta always remember: it is a gradual process. Recovering any lost thing almost always is. And the reason most fail at it is because we’re never patient enough for it.
And who can blame us?
You never know the value of a good thing till it’s gone and when you do you literally can’t wait to get it back. But life’s not that simple. You do have to wait. And a long time too.
Be patience. Keep at it. And when it’s time, make –
7. The Move – Again
This is the final move. The stage is set. You’ve gained back her trust. You’ve done the work. You’ve shown her that you really are better than you were. That whatever happened in the past is behind you now.
And she’s shown you too, subtly, that she believes you. That she’s comfortable with you again. And that she just might be willing. Now that’s all you need. All you need to make THE move – which is to then tell her how you truly feel; that you do want back her heart.
Don’t get it mixed up, though, she might still turn you down, and reject your proposal for a relationship, but whichever way it turns out, you can rest assured you do have back her heart, or at least a portion of it!
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