To keep calling or keep cool? This is yet another question we received from one the affairs of the heart platforms on which we are active.
This isn’t a very peculiar question or anything. In fact it is quite common, in cases of mild arguments between lovers and spouse and even friends in relationships, and most especially in cases of hard breakups and separations.
The latter, as it happens, is what we’re going to be focusing on today on NLv.
Of course when viewed in that context, as a heart-wrenching, last resort question from someone in that situation; as a cry for help from a hurting soul bleeding from the ache of loneliness and heartbreak; seeking closure; seeking catharsis – of course when viewed in this light it becomes a damn, tough as hell question to answer.
And imagine the pain and courage it takes to ask it.
The Perfect Phrasing
I particularly love how this question is phrased, too: in a way that emphasizes the succintness of the dilemma and the pain behind it – the kind which, of course, doesn’t allow for much words.
We know this because of course we’ve been in the same position, not long ago.
And it’s crazy because everyone tells us, don’t call, don’t call, he or she is not worth it.
But hey, the person going through the pain doesn’t know this. It is only the one who goes through the experience that really really knows how it goes.
The memories shared, the discussions, the gestures; the way he/she talked and laughed; the secrets shared that nobody else in the world knows – these are the things that make that question something that nobody else can answer; a question that even a professor may never answer.
To Keep Calling or Keep Cool – A Matter of the Heart
The only thing that answers this question for each one of us, most of the time, is our hearts.
Our rash, broken, restless hearts that seek closure with a violent severity and leaves everything and everyone else in its wake as utterly inconsequential.
Let me tell you a story.
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A boy got his silly little heart broken by a girl.
He loved her more than any thing else in this wide world. One beautiful day after a few arguments she categorically requested for them to go their separate ways. Apparently the relationship was getting too unhealthy.
But God how much he loved her! He couldn’t bear being apart from her. The memories haunted him. They overwhelmed him.
He knew it would be hard, of course, but no way in hell could he have imagined it would be THAT hard!
Every single damn minute of every single damn day he felt like going back to her. To call her and just talk to her. To say something; anything. Just to hear her voice. To ask why. To make more sense of things.
He knew this was “weak” but he didn’t really care.
He was losing his sanity and the only way he could regain it was just to call and talk.
But he knew, also –
Deep inside he knew that there was nothing he could do to salvage that relationship.
He did try, though, mind you. And it didn’t turn out so well.
He ended up rehashing his past troubles and he ended up much worse than he was before. The closure he vividly sought, he could not find.
But he learnt something – something valuable.
To Keep Calling or Keep Cool – A Thing to Learn
With that experience, you see, he learnt that there is no closure really. At least not with that person. In the end only time is the closure.
But still he believed his going back wasn’t really a waste, after all. He believed he had gained from it a really important part of the puzzLe.
Maybe it wasn’t something good for him. Maybe it wasn’t something a sane person would have adviced him to do. But it was something he did, anyway. And it was something he had to have done.
It is a famous saying where he’s from that you don’t tell a child to not put his hands in a flame. That you have to let the child put his hand in a flame, to let him feel the hotness himself, so that he becomes stronger for it, and next time no one would have to caution him for it.
Doesn’t sound like a very good thing to do? It does? Again, it’s just a guide and no one can really tell you what to do. Especially in affairs of the heart.
Which is why most times when people say it so asseritvely that to call a person with whom you’re broken up is entirely bad, I tend to disagree.
To Keep Calling or to Keep Cool – Two Sides of a Coin
It all comes down to the heart like we said, and to perspective – that’s how you really know whether to keep calling or to keep cool.
Yes, it may be bad to call and not keep your cool. Hell it may be good to call and not keep your cool. But it is also neccesary to go with the heart.
Even if just for you to see for yourself how pointless it all is.
Truth is most of the time that other person would have moved on when you call.
Because the truth is, in such relationships where you have to read articles like this, and think deep, and argue with yourself, just to decide whether to call or not; in such cases the relationship almost always would have gone past the point of being salvaged.
But generalities only tend to apply so far, because no case is without its own peculiarities, and no case can be brushed aside.
And the Real Truth is –
You have to find out the harsh truths for yourself.
Let’s say they’ve moved on, and you haven’t. In most cases like this the truth is it takes one to keep calling to realize just how pointless the calls and your hopes are.
It doesn’t matter how many times you’re told to not do it. Sometimes in matters of the heart you just have to.
It is sad but it is true, that this may be the only way to heal – even if merely by showing you what’s not the way. Self realization – that’s what truly matters in the end. Have a nice day.
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