“So one day she just got up and left. I couldn’t stop her. Lord knows I tried. And right by the door she looked me dead in the eye and said, “Just so you know, I’m leaving cause you never cared. Not once. Not ever.
What the hell does that even mean?”
Showing Care in Relationships, What Does That Even Mean?
It’s a term that might seem absolutely crystal clear when you don’t think much on it, or when you’ve never really been in a position to actually make a conscious effort to show it.
It’s all too easy to look at cases like the above and say oh of course I could have done better. To assume that perhaps the man did not even love the lady, or didn’t show it enough. But that may be very far from the truth. In the real scenario being in love and showing your love are two very different things — as is caring for a person and actually showing that care.
At the very least it depends mostly on the kind of partner you are; and there are quite a few kinds.
Different Kinds of Partners
1. The Natural
For some it comes relatively easy. By nature they are the kind of person who tends to other people’s affairs more than their own, they are very altruistic, and due to their heightened empathy, they can’t bear to have another person in discomfort near them.
They also have a very acute sense of awareness when it comes to sensing this pain and discomfort around. For this kind of people it is very easy to not only care for their partners, but to show that care.
2. The Equanimous
For some, however, it is not as easy. The problem is not that they don’t care — they do, but that they are not the kind to put themselves out there and show their caring side in the most over manner.
3. The Clueless
And then there are those people who doesn’t even know how to. If you tell them unequivocally: these are the things I need you to do, they’d thank you and do it gladly. Hell they might even do it better than anybody else, but the problem is they never know what to do.
Some do, however, fall into this category, but due to their willingness to consult friends and families, read experts books and articles, mostly never have so much problem with their relationships.
4. The Oblivious
Lastly, we have the oblivious. The oblivious is the partner who is empathetic, really cares about the other person, is willing to show that care, knows what to do to show it, but never knows when the other person needs it.
To them their partner seems okay most of the time, and if they happen to have a strong partner who likes to mask their pain with a smile, the signals gets even more difficult for them to notice.
And since of course n one likes to show vulnerability, their partners continue to wear the fake smile, and at the end of the day things get so terribly out of hand they start to wonder where it all went wrong.
Showing Care in Relationships | The Aspects
All in all, there are four aspects to showing care in relationships, the first of which is:
Caring About the Relationship
In showing care in relationships, the first important part is to show that you do care about the relationship.
Without you caring about the relationship, pretty much every other aspect is null. In a relationship you really care about, you would do everything in your power to try to keep things intact.
The very thought of breaking up and severing the bonds between you and your partner would be too difficult to think about, and hence every other aspect of care you show would be influenced by this.
Ways to show you Care About Your Relationship
Knowing what caring is is easy. Showing that you care is a lot harder. However, among the aspects of showing care in relationships, showing that you care about the relationship is perhaps the easiest — so long as it is true.
If you’re merely trying to pretend that you care about the relationship, it becomes a tedious hell of a job. But for a person who truly, genuinely care, the act of showing you care about the relationship comes easy and it doesn’t take much conscious planning and execution to let the other person know.
At any rate, here are some of the ways of showing that you care about your relationship:
1. Maintaining Positive Energy
Anybody who really cares about a relationship wouldn’t go out of their way to keep bringing up negative emotions into that relationship.
They would do everything possible, in fact, to ensure that such negative vibes are kept out. Feel free to take a look at our take on ways to deal with negative emotions in relationships.
2. Staying away from Excessive Arguments
A sure sign that a relationship is fading is when the arguments become too frequent and excessive, especially when they could very well have been avoided.
Any partner who is willing to go out of their way to make sure these kind of arguments never occur; who is willing to concede and do whatever it takes to promote peace and serenity, is a partner who cares about the relationship.
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3. Putting the Relationship Before Self
If you want to show you care about your relationship, you must be willing to put the relationship before yourself.
You must understand you’re not the only party in the relationship, and as such there will be times when the good of the relationship contradicts the good of your own self.
Willing to step out of your comfort zone for the good of the relationship is a surefire sign that you care about the relationship.
4. Admitting When Wrong
A partner who truly cares about a relationship would have no problem with admitting it anytime they’re wrong.
Evading and denial and all other signs of dishonesty are all signs that a party no longer cares or has never even cared about the relationship in the first place.
Caring For the Relationship
After caring about the relationship, the next aspect of showing care in relationships is showing care for the relationship.
While both might seem similar at first glance, the reason for that is that they are indeed, and the major difference is that in caring about the relationship, the emphasis is on intent and the things that can showcase this intent, while in caring for the relationship, the emphasis is on the action that’s taken to keep nurturing the relationship to greater heights.
Ways to Show You Care For Your Relationship
Some of the ways of showing that you care for your relationship include:
1. Consciously Making Efforts
People in relationships are not as oblivious as it seems — most of the times. People do notice the simple things, especially if the efforts behind them are substantial.
For the people who never know what to do to show care, we’re here to tell you that simply making efforts, even though it doesn’t turn out grandiose or mind-blowing, counts!
2. Taking Your Partner Out
One of the efforts that can be shown, in case you were wondering, is taking your partner out.
Whether its a date, occasions, events, take them with you. Show them that you do cherish them and want them by your side always.
If you do choose a date, it doesn’t even necessarily have to be a lavish one. We’re telling you, the effort and thought really counts.
3. Organizing Nostalgic Nights/Events
The purpose of this is clear enough: to rekindle the sparks of the relationship. Time has a way of taking things away and bringing in new ones. This is good, but in cases where more things are being taken away than gotten in the relationship, you have to make a conscious effort to go back through memory lane.
Old pictures, old romantic movies, anything you both really enjoyed doing back in the days is enough. Plan a night entirely devoted to talking and laughing about the days.
Go back to where you first met, where you had your first dance, your first kiss. Plan a night of revisiting firsts, and you’ll see that nostalgia is indeed a charm.
4. Consciously Making New Memories
You do this by seeking out new things and reinforcing them. What new habits have you both picked up recently? Identify it and reinforce it. Plan events around it. Meet new people together, visit new places together.
Simply put, place more emphasis on the words new and together, and you’ll find your relationship stronger by the day.
Caring About Your Partners
After showing that you care about the relationship and showing that you care for the relationship, the third aspect of showing care in relationships is showing that you care about your partner.
These are all linked and intertwined, and all becomes easier to show as each aspect is been strengthened.
Like showing you care about your relationship, showing you care about your partner is really easy if it’s a genuine feeling. It’s all about intents, and most of the time they don’t stay hidden for long.
Ways to Show You Care About Your Partner
If you really do care about your partner this would come pretty natural. Every day they’d appear even more glorious and more beautiful to you and you won’t be able to help bursting out lyrics and poetry to attest to your admiration.
Again, some are more inclined to voicing out their thoughts than some, but even if you’re among the latter, it is always good practice to tell your partner how you feel.
Tell them how good they look; how lovely they are. Compliments can bright up one’s day and turn it from bleak to amazing, and they’ll always appreciate you for it.
Which leads to the second on our list: appreciation. The effects of appreciation in any aspect of human relationships can not be overemphasized.
We all like to have our efforts noticed, and not just noticed but acknowledged and appreciated.
Be on the lookout for the little things your partner does, thank them and appreciate them for it.
This is not old school. We repeat this is not old school. Gift giving as a means of care and appreciation can never get old.
Words are nice, gestures are brilliant, but having a tangible material object to hold on to as a sign of our care and appreciation will always appeal to us in a way no other thing can.
And yes, the more thoughtful the gifts are, the deeper they resonate, but getting something, anything, as a token of your appreciation is infinitely better than not buying anything because you can’t think of the right thing.
Also we put up a post or two just to help you decide on getting the perfect gift. Do check it out.
4. Keeping Up With Their Affairs
Dates and Events: two of the most important things you have to be meticulous about when it comes to showing care in relationships. Dates, and events.
Your partner’s birthday, their interview dates, the dates of their monumental achievements, and most importantly future dates set for some events or another, be it those that involves both of you or themselves alone; all these must never be forgotten.
There’s nothing that screams I love you and care about you more than remembering little things about your partner’s affairs, especially trivial things they don’t expect you to remember. That just blows their socks away!
And lucky for us there’s a lot of resources and easily downloadable software applications out there that can make this a reality.
Caring For Your Partners
This is very similar to caring about your partner. It is, in fact, a direct consequence of this, just as showing that you care for your relationship is a direct consequence of showing that you care about your relationship.
Again the only difference is that one focuses on intent, while the other focuses on actions i.e the products of that intent.
So without further ado,
Ways to Show You Care For Your Partner
1. The Little Things
Again these can not be overstated. The little things really do make the biggest difference!
Asking questions about your partner’s well-being, asking how their day went and really being interested in the answer, showing concern when they’re feeling down — all these go a long way in showing that you care.
So do bringing them breakfast in bed and calling them when they’re not around, and not just instant messaging. Calling shows that you really care about them and really want to hear their voice; which exudes more profundity than just chatting on instant messaging applications.
And of course a million more little gestures. The list is endless.
2. Health and Well-Being
Showing concern for your partner’s health and well-being is another uber effective way of showing care in relationships.
You must be engrossed enough in their psychological and physiological conditions to notice whenever there’s something wrong in those regards.
And not just noticing, but also being willing to act on it. When they’re depressed you do your best to find out why, and do your part in alleviating it. And when they’re sick, make them hot tea and cuddle and tend to them — that’s the way to show you care!
Another thing that never gets old. Mind you by surprises we don’t mean planning surprise parties alone, but in general doing things that your partner loves but never expects that you’ll do.
If you truly care for a person, like we said, you won’t find it difficult to go out of your way once in a while, and do for them, or with them, things they know you wouldn’t normally do.
And rememeber no one likes a bad surprise, even those who love surprises, and we all love a good surprise, even those of us who don’t like surprises.
So there you have it, our comprehensive breakdown on showing care in relationships. We sure hope you enjoyed it.
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